I KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE LEFT BEHIND.
The words ‘I know what if feels like to be left behind’ echoed through my ears this morning.
I was getting ready and something triggered a memory of the conversation I had last week with my coach/mentor, we were chatting and out of the blue came the words ‘I know what it feels like to be left behind’. In that session together we moved in other directions with the conversation as coaching sessions usually weave as to what is most present, leaving those words to come back to at another time.
This morning the words came back and with it a huge realization that that woman who ‘was left behind’ still lives inside of me. This 22 year old version of me that experienced the loss of her father, while watching the relationship with her daughters dad crumble at the same time.
Losing both male figures in her life simultaneously.
Unexpectedly losing one and then asking the other one to leave.
In that moment this version of me decided a lot was truth.
It’s not safe to love
Everybody leaves
It’s safer to do everything by myself
I can’t trust that others will stay
An abandonment wound revealed.
These wounds, belief systems, triggers that get revealed by the subconscious through digging into what is alive and real - are solid gold.
I have been living through the lens that all those ‘truths’ above are just that - truths. These ‘truths’ dictating what I allow in, where guards must stay up, where a small piece of armour stays planted on my heart. But when I look at these ‘truths’ I’ve decided - they’re not truth, they never were and they are not the truths that I want to experience the world through.
The illumination of this lens is an opportunity to re-write the belief system, to re-negotiate what is truth and that is when we move into the seat of the creator of our reality.
This is when a dialogue can start to be created with this 22 year old version of myself. Letting her know exactly what she needs to hear when love starts to make it’s way in and she goes into survival, fear mode. The concepts of ourselves that live within need to be nurtured and communicated with just like a loved one.
This version of me needs to know it’s safe to love, it’s safe to let others in, that nobody actually leaves {they are always present in a different dimension}, that she doesn’t need to do it all by herself.
That she doesn’t need to close off parts of herself out of fear of being left behind because she never actually was.
What lens are you seeing the world through? What would it look to reveal the truths that are buried deep within?
#awaken
