YOUR SPIRITUAL CURRICULUM.
Late in the fall I was sitting in Sadhana with one of my dearest teachers, she graciously asked us to look at all of the players in our movie, in our play. All of the people we had selected to live out this human experience with and what the common thread was between them all. The common thread between all of the experiences, the traumas, the hurt, the players.
What was the underlying thread that connected it all? As that underlying weave was what our soul came here to experience in this life time as the lessons and growth required for our souls next step in awakening.
I scanned my life. The people, my parents, my core relationships, my traumas and it was so blatantly obvious what I came here to move through on the path to my souls progression.
I came here to heal the wound with the masculine.
I didn’t like the conclusion I came to, there were a few eye rolls and oh greats. However there was a soft sigh of relief and a shift in perspective. An ability to thank the men for showing up for me just as I had required, for showing up for me as part of my souls path. For creating the experiences that I was required to move through.
I am here to heal the wound with the masculine, which ultimately meant I am here to heal the masculine that is within me; as whether or not we are in a female or male body we all carry both the masculine and feminine within us and my inner masculine was deeply under-nourished.
Over the past decade of personal development I had re-connected to my sacred feminine. Slowed down, moved into my flow, into my emotions, dropped deeply into the cycles of the moon, into the cycles of my blood, into creativity and the organic flow of the divine feminine however my inner masculine was still in shambles deep beneath the layers.
A few months prior I was in a healing session with my mentor, deep in a processing journey when I was asked to call my inner masculine forward. He showed up as a cartoon character. Shallow. Not real. There was this inner disbelief that my inner masculine could stand in his warrior power, in his role as my inner king. I didn’t believe he could, subconsciously I didn’t believe he was real or possible, I believed he was a joke. This ‘distrust’ in my own inner masculine could have come from this life time or quite possibly from previous life times. Exactly when this distrust occurred doesn’t matter, what matters is that I didn’t trust my own masculine and so all of the men showing up for me were mirroring the masculine that resided deep within.
Men that were not ready to go into their depths, men that hovered on the surface, that weren’t ready to explore the darkness within and fully allow themselves to be seen. To be heard. To be vulnerable.
I called in these men in all aspects of my life, friends, men I dated, my father.
All of them mirroring the inner masculine within me that so desperately wanted to be seen, to hold me, to be my protector. To show up as the king.
The relationship that needed to be repaired wasn’t the relationship with the men in my life, it was the relationship with the ‘masculine’ within me and once this healing process started occurring - the men changed. How they showed up for me changed - everything changed. A step, a turn towards my souls awakening was taken when I made the choice to heal the masculine that is within me.
What is your relationship with your inner masculine? Your inner king?
If you were to look at all of the experiences, the traumas, the hurts - what is the underlying thread? The spiritual curriculum you came here to move through?
